So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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