I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
