I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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