perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
