3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
