Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
