wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
