I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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