whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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