You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
