just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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