so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
