just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
