You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
