Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
