Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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