im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
