There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
