areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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