you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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