What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the raccoons are back...
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