I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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