Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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