Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
