What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
