Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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