whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
