fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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