Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
