yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
