we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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