The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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