his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
