If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What a dumb baby whore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
