R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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