I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
