If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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