I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
