Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
