Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
