just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
