i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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