I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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