My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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