I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
