I will die if light touches me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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