You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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