fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
