So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
