I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
