Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
