I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
