Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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