Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dignity is for republicans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
