rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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