We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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