i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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