Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
