We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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