barbara walters just said penis...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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