And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
