Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
