This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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