Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
