what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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