i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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