you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize