Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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