i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
