FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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