when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
